“I’m sick of my job! I’m sick of working late nights to please someone else. I’m sick of not getting recognition for the good work I’m doing. I want a promotion. but for that I have to get extra education! Like I can afford that! I need a new job. No i wanna change fields. go into something exciting. that makes me smile everyday, after every task.”
My sister listened to me drone on and on. Getting louder and more frustrated with every word. “What do you want to be and why?” she asked. I smiled and yelled:
I WANT TO BE A PROSTITUTE! Read the rest of this entry
Have you ever leaped?? Truly leaped.. Plunged into the unknown, head and heart first. If you have then maybe you can agree with me, that “a leap of faith” is not the right term. Faith has nothing to do with it.
What spurs a revolution?? I used to believe it was the “faith” they had in that things will get better, all they have to do is fight. I thought it was “faith” shinning through their eyes as they put up their fists in rebellion. I was sure “faith” united the front and inspired the plans of attacks liberation heroes plotted. After watching a million movies about revolutionaries ( my favorite kind of movies) I believed what Russell Crowe in the Gladiator, Mel Gibson in Braveheart, Leleti Khumalo in Sarafina were attempting to emulate the faith that real life revolutionaries like Nelson Mandela, Julius Nyerere, Mahatma Gandhi drew strength and conviction from in their struggles.
Yet faith was not what lead me to make a stand. In fact faith was what kept me in a stationary positon. I had faith my hardwork would pay off. That all my extra hours and dedication would be rewarded. That I existed in a just world, where good things happen to those who wait! Ah faith, how you failed me. Kept me in a dead end job drawing strength from the convicion that my time would come!
It never came… Then I got mad… Resented the world for not appreciating my worth; for making me feel like a useless cog in a machine. As the anger grew, it crushed the little happiness in me. I never believed my job would be my life, and yet the despair the job left me with, began to encrouch every part of my life, it was a shadow that dragged me down. As I got madder and madder, my faith got defeated by the weight and all that remained was my anger.
Change had not come fast enough for me. I was tired of waiting. I couldnt stand to wait any longer. And so I typed up my little letter and handed in my two weeks notice. Faith had shackled me. Faith that things would get better held me back into waiting for “better.” but truly only when I told myself that I didn’t know what the outcome of my decision would be, but anything, even defeat to a fate much worse than the present would be better, because I would know I fought. MAD! yes, i was mad now my decision is MADNESS and yet in all this uncertainty, i feel sure i am where i am meant to be. A calm clarity in all the upheavel shows me that though the destination is unknown knowing i am on road is all i need! I AM ALIVE AGAIN!