Author Archives: amandlovu

” I am a born Free”

Standard
” I am a born Free”

I have not blogged in over a year, because not much has moved me but this changed everything. I hope the window to my soul that I open, may open up your eyes and free your voice…….

“I am a born free” Read the rest of this entry

I WANT TO BE A PROSTITUTE

Standard

“I’m sick of my job! I’m sick of working late nights to please someone else. I’m sick of not getting recognition for the good work I’m doing. I want a promotion. but for that I have to get extra education! Like I can afford that! I need a new job. No i wanna change fields. go into something exciting. that makes me smile everyday, after every task.”

My sister listened to me drone on and on.  Getting louder and more frustrated with every word.  “What do you want to be and why?” she asked. I smiled and yelled:

 download

I WANT TO BE A PROSTITUTE! Read the rest of this entry

Nelson Mandela – He changed the World????

Standard
Nelson Mandela – He changed the World????

Since I was a child I have cringed whenever people ask me about role models and heroes. At first I would simply shrug my shoulders as though I didn’t understand the question and look wistfully at my class mates who would eagerly answer “my mother because she does everything with love.” As I grew older people asked more often, the shrug became inadequate. I would select the flavor of the month and give a vague response as to why. My answers ranged from the typical Mother Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Chinua Achebe, Desmond Tutu, and of course Nelson Mandela with the typical universal reason being of “they have changed the world”. On the other end of the spectrum were television characters like John Rambo, John McCain, Chuck Norris “because they don’t take sh** from anyone”

But I can safely say in the hundred to thousand times I have answered that question I have been lying. Read the rest of this entry

Sitting in a thunderstorm….. waiting for a rainbow

Standard
Sitting in a thunderstorm….. waiting for a rainbow

“It’ll get better”

“just be strong”

“have you looked online?”

“have you actually been looking for a job”

So begins my list of shit people say to the unemployed.

In just six weeks, it’ll be a year since I became a graduate.

A year since I walked past the graduation stage at University of West Georgia and entered what I thought was a world of opportunity just waiting for me to show it my awesomeness. A year since I realized its actually a world that’s downright determined to kick my ass. Read the rest of this entry

Quote

The farm had an orange glow from the sun set. I held my fathers attention, and hand, in what felt to me like a true Lion King Moment. As I heard the opening theme song in my head (whose words probably only the writers know but I will try to recreate) nnnnnnyyyyyyyaaaaasssshhhhhiiiinnnngwwennna bla bla bla

lion king

my father said in his deep Zimbabwean accent,  “mwana wangu (my child) you can learn how to be a better person even in a math classroom”

Read the rest of this entry

Dating Economics

Me and Mr. Husky

Standard

He had a deep voice. The kind that sends vibrations along your spine and makes all the hairs on your arms stand up.

He had dark brown eyes. The ones where you find yourself willing to get lost in the stolen glance you share.

And his mind! HIS MIND!

From the word hello our conversation took a natural flow.

He playfully touched my hand and with a jolt brought me back to reality.I suddenly noticed how close we were sitting and how we had formed a bubble away from the rest of the room. I was well past the line when I realized I had crossed it. This had gone from a stimulating talk with a stranger, to flirting with an acquaintance and was dangerously creeping into an irresistible attraction.

My mind told me to find a casual way of mentioning my boyfriend… I searched hard for anything… it was like grasping for straws while sinking in quick sand. “Think” i urged myself, “mention how you and.. what’s that boy’s name!! Ok, talk about how you love to go hiking with your boyfriend… nope that’s a lie and it won’t sound nonchalant at all…..me and sports never look laid back.. FOCUS! think think….”

As the waiter drops of my drink I look up to hear Mr. Husky say “you’re having a beer right, my girlfriend only likes cocktails”  WHAT!!

Image 

WHHAAT!!

“act cool, keep smiling.” 

I opened my mouth and said “yeah, I usually do cocktails too” but my heart was yelling, “why would you flirt with me if you have a girlfriend!! You cheater!!!! And how in the hell did you learn how to bring up your girlfriend in conversation with such a breezy tone!” And yes, I mentally wrote down that line, you never know when I could use it.

I know I had no right to be mad, but I was. I felt like I had lost that Battle Of Who Is More Committed to a random stranger. Worse…I felt guilty that I was a little hurt I would never get to see where this attraction could have gone.

Instantly the conversation hit a dead end and stopped flowing. One half of my brain began to sieve out inappropriate comments while the other half tried to win back the battle by thinking of smart ways to mention how my sexy, smart, sweet amazing boyfriend (whose name was somewhere along the tip of my tongue) was better than the guy sitting in front me.

I often thought being faithful was something someone did naturally. As though finding the man you want to spend the rest of your life with meant all the other men in the world automatically paled in comparison. But as I’ve grown I’ve learnt how the opposite is true.

When I was single I would look at all men from a “could he be the one” angle. I would analyze our conversations and because I was over thinking it often I wouldn’t take time to appreciate who they were. Now I talk to men from a “can he keep a conversation going? angle. This angle lets me put aside all my dating bitterness and silly notions of what a smart man sounds like and lets me see them in a positive light.

Now being faithful is an active choice. I remind myself how wonderful CLAYTON  (YES!! I remembered his name! WHOO)  I remember how much joy he’s brought to my life. And I not only think of ways to avoid the Mr. Husky’s of the world, but I actively walk away from them.  

 

 

Aside

“What do you like about him?”

Every time you start to date someone, whether that someone is a friend of a friend, a part of the gang, you can expect to face this question, many many … MANY times. I’ve always dreaded this question. Maybe because I wasn’t into psychoanalyzing my relationships or more because I dread the reaction and judgement from whoever is asking.

I’ve dated the party animal. The man who whenever I saw him, adventure was guaranteed. he always had a drink in hand. He was the DOS EQUIS man. The most interesting man in the world. He brought out the fun in me. It was exciting that he found me exciting Passion was our game. After a steamy make out session or an embarrassing public fight any answer I gave would make my friends cringe. I would get the pity look… I was to them that insecure girlfriend who put up with the drunk asshole.

most interesting man

I’ve dated the prince charming. The one who woke up thinking of me, and slept to the sound of my voice without a care to his phone bill. The one who blew up my phone with page long txts that wished me a happy day or wanted to be sure I’d got home safe. It was lovely to have someone treat me like a queen… But that answer made me cringe.  How could I live life with someone who treated me like I was made of glass

prince charming

And now I’m dating him. He makes my blood boil, absolutely boil, when he don’t listen to me. Sometimes when he asks a question I just sigh in frustration. And that smug look he has when I ‘m wrong! ARGH! He’s not perfect… but I’m not perfect… And he makes me feel wonderful about myself and my imperfections. He laughs with me at my social awkwardness. He tells me the world is wrong even when I’m acting like a big baby… and I like that about him…

I cringe now because the answer I have to that questions is so simple, honest and straight from the heart:

“What do you like about him?”

I like his eyes. When I look in them, I see me, I see how he sees me. And I believe his eyes.

I like his laugh. And how after the echo of his laugh has faded, the air feels lighter, the world smaller and our love stronger.

I LOVE his heart. Whether its racing because he’s upset, or slow as he plans his next move, I hear it beat in rhythm with mine.

elephant love

What do you like about him